Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
