singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
