He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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