Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
