my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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