so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Randomize
