I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
