we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
