What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
