one might say we're banned from that church
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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