i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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