so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
