I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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