That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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