why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
