If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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