Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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