I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
it's great music for shaving your balls
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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