You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
