I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
