People in love make me want to vomit
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
