That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
