when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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