hotel room ftw
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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