It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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