i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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