whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
