I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My hand turned me down
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
