i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So much rum. So many feels.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
