Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
