; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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