so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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