I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I love having hate sex.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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