Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
