When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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