My Higher Power is John Stamos
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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