She is in my trunk
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
