Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
