I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
