When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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