My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she told me i tasted like america
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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