It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
wow bdsm is so cute
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
