Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
