hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
no, he came in my armpit
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
