He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
