Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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