I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
