I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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