I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
