So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
