...so i touched it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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