Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
