My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
