oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
